Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Jai Ho! St. Valentine Ho!

A new marriage bureau has been founded. The Ravan Sena is a charitable organization that has pledged to marry couples on the auspicious occasion of St. Valentine's day accomplished with the help of priests and rituals held with full fanfare. Recent events following the announcement by the sena chief regarding their mighty pledge has spurred an expedition of unmarried couples from all over India to invade Bangalore, the garden city, where the vow is proposed to be accomplished. Some excerpts from the interview with the chief, Shri Pram Pubaholic, "We are a devoted organization with a noble cause. We have been funded by the gospels of charity in Vanuatu and support Polygamy and Polyandry. In an attempt to pursue and implement our noble ideals, we have proclaimed to marry off as many couples as possible on St. Valentine's day. Since we are a newbie in this field, we have restricted ourselves to execute our vow only in the Bangalore city for now. According to the set guidelines of our marriage bureau, any two people of the opposite sex found looking, conversing or even breathing within a distance of two feet from each other would be joined in holy matrimony with full fanfare. Along these rules, any shopkeeper, postman, auto-rickshaw guy and the like should be wedded to their customers before they can carry on with their daily trade. Similarly all the people in the offices, educational institutions and public buildings should be married to each other. The only exceptions are children below 12 and gay couples as Ravan sena seriously believes in the un-conditional love of a gay man to his single, devoted partner. We are planning to accomplish this mighty feat on a single day and hope to enter into the Guinness book of records and consequently enter into the ET awards' "marriage bureau to look out for" list. "

Following Mr. Pubaholic's speech, a record number of couples have already encroached the bus stands, ccd's, malls and even book shops of Bengaluru, getting ready to utter "I Do". Padma and Salman, a couple found alighting from a train from Gopalganj in Bihar said, "Our parents had fixed our marriage but Salman's parents asked for 53 cows and 78 chicken as dowry. Papa sold our neighbour's well and managed to get the dowry but he did not have any money left for our wedding ceremony. Moreover Salman's family had already eaten all the dowry. So we both planned to elope and get married. But we are a righteous couple and wanted our marriage to be recognized by the society. So we chose the Ravan Sena over the other marriage bureaus and have come here to Bangalore to get married."

The single and no one to mingle with brigade has also entered the throngs of the city. A Spirited Siddharth, holding a Diageo beverage in purple haze, was heard saying, "Yo man, I wanna get married. All I need is Change. I have trotted all the way from London to get united with my dream partner. The Ravan Sena is really doing a cool job. All I plan to do is to spot some hot chick, develop a conversation with her and call out for the Ravan Sena. And then the wine shall flow! burrrpp"

The media has responded magnificently to the Ravan Sena's valentine mangalyam andolan. The sena has managed to grab the mind spaces of a whole nation in a matter of a couple of days. Mr. Pram Pubaholic says in response to this tremendous success, "This was part of my start-up initiative for the B-plan competition of Nutan School of Management. My base venture is the marriage bureau, followed by version 2 - New Party marketing metrics in popular media and consequently, version 3 - Seperate state demand." On inquired about the choice of the name, he replied, "We chose Ravan Sena as a tribute to the Great Ravana of the epic Ramayana. Ravana was a master-mind and a brilliant political manipulator of that age. His country and people were in dire need of labour to work in their plantations. Ravana realized that a surplus of labour was available in the main-land and to acquire them he needed to build a bridge connecting the two nation states. The smart entrepreneur that he was, he contrived to minimize his efforts and maximize his ROI. So he thought out-of-the-box and kidnapped the mainland chappie, Ram's wife Sita in his Garuda airlines, knowing very well that Ram would follow him to Lanka. Ram and his monkey troops built the bridge across the two nations which also enabled the migration of labor across the seas. Now the successors of the laborers are claiming their identity and call themselves LTTE. Though there are many groups involving in human-chains and even self-immolation for their cause; Ravan sena is the only group that is showing interests in the forsaken cause of the sucessors of Sugriva and the monkey troops. Everybody else thinks only about humans. We are the only ones who are voicing out the pleas of the monkeys to claim them back to our mainland." The Ravan Sena is definitely re-creating history with its lofty ideals. "Pram Pubaholic. May his tribe increase".